Filed in Fashion

One Pieces FTW!!!

I’m writing this from the past. I’m time traveling through PFB from the white sandy beaches of Anguilla. As of this moment right now I have no idea where in the world that is. I’ll google image search it later. Because now we gots to talk bout them one piece bathing suits. Who knew what a freaking comeback these nerdy FUPA covering bikini alternatives would have. There’s a whole world of em out there. And they’re super hot. I mean they miiiiiight be the kinda hot that chicks can appreciate and your dude or prospect might think is weird or that you’re not confident because you’re covered up a little bit. NOT the case. It’s fashion and its here and he can suck a big one. One pieces have it going the eff on. And they are super flattering. I ordered a bunch of them online because that’s how a recluse does 100% of her shopping. Only problem I ran into is the reality that apparently no one has ever told me I have a long torso and that damn thing needs to be accounted for. Would a bigger size solve the issue? I don’t think bigger sizes usually help with length right? Or is it different in the swim suit world? Well either way it’s too late for my ass, because as I said on my opening statement, this is coming to you from the past and I’m already neck deep in some pina colada’s and probably feeding a dolphin some nachos. So cheers to that and my future camel-toe due to said long torso and lack of time to buy some new options. TOO BAD WORLD ACCEPT ME! Here’s some of my fave one pieces:

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19 Comments on “One Pieces FTW!!!”

  1. Finally! Someone else understands! My torso thinks I’m 6ft but my legs are not about that life 😂

    #longtorsofam

  2. I love 1 pieces unfortunately I’m not as skinny as you so I would never do a bikini. But those 1 pieces are gorgeous! Definitely would all look amazing on you .

    Enjoy Anguilla! Love ya!
    Twiglet167 on Twitter

  3. I happen to have a version of the last two lol. I’m 5’2 barely with a long torso so I understand the issue. However I am so glad they make trendy one piece bathing suits so I can feel comfortable yet sexy. I mean I am 24 but get mistaken for 10 everyday of my LIFE but it’s still acceptable to want to look sexy lol

  4. Lucky you with your long torso problems! I have the exact opposite issue. Short, stocky, “proportionate” translates into gaps where they don’t belong and my chest being lower than preferred without legit bra support! Haha

  5. Yeah, swimsuits are not my area of expertise – even though I LIVE at the beach!! I have a very large chest that swimsuit makers just do not take into account ever when making their products. Apparently if you ever have a large chest, it’s because you had them surgically made that way and therefore don’t need any support and are happy to just have a strip of material with some string to tie it around… And don’t get me started on 1 pieces. It’s just a no go zone if you’re larger than a C cup, basically. Trust me, it’s not Baywatch running on the beach, it’s more like trying to avoid knocking yourself out because there’s no support so your breasts have the whole 10cm up and down movement… It’s no fun. None at all. I basically hate summer. Well that and we have 100F+ temps. YAY Australia.

  6. These are NICE swimsuits. I am sure these would look great on you.
    I like the blue one and the mint one. have an awesome sauce trip there .

  7. well, with the longer torso you might need to get a sliiiightly larger size… trust me i ran into the same problem… they conform, don’t worry about that part.. what YOU need to worry about if you chose not to get a larger size consists of three important words… mega…wedgie…cameltoe. real talk sis, has to be said… unless you want to spend most of your time at the beach hearing “there’s a letter in your mailbox” in the back of your head… i would go with at least one size bigger…. it wont look big but your vag will thank you =)

  8. I have the short shit issue as my brother in-law likes to call me short shit lol anyways I’m still working on losing weight so I’m not sure what would look good on me but some of the full suite ones u showed here is beautiful take care and stay safe

  9. Gah! You are my favorite! This post is great! I have the worst luck with swimsuits, two pieces never look right. Think its time to move on to the one piece!

  10. I totally get you on the long torso thing I have the same issue. Those suits are so cute. I haven’t had a one piece in forever so I’m not exactly sure how to account for it when it comes to swimwear. Enjoy your time in Anguilla.

  11. Aww I feel ya. Ba thing suits are a pain. I had to learn to make some of my bathing suits! I’m a Medium in bottoms and I am 34 inches up top, but my boobs can only fit in a 2x or 3x bikini cup. Custom ordering is expensive and a pain, so I just buy some large mix n matches and alter them to fit me. Or just make my own. Lol. It doesn’t help that some family members are critical of the way you look in one. :/

  12. As a guy I wish we could wear one piece bathing suits. Funny story, well not so funny at the time story. It took awhile to get used to my colostomy bag but eventually I did. So one day I went to the beach without my shirt on and it was packed. Lots of people, pretty girls etc. This kid comes up to me and asks what was on my stomach. I said well it’s a bag that my poop goes in. He asked why. I told him that i dont poop out of my butt anymore. He yelled MOM. she yelled WHAT? He yelled loud enough that this whole side of the beach heard him say HE DOESNT POOP OUT OF HIS BUTT ANYMORE. Everyone stared. I quickly got out of there. I’m more confident now. The colostomy bag saved my life and there’s no reason to be embarrassed. I tell this story when I sense that people are nervous about it. It breaks the tension to joke about it. All of those swimsuits look cool. Hope your ankle is ok. Enjoy Summerslam!

  13. Renee!

    Hopefully I’m not commenting too late and you’ve abandoned the site. You’ve got a really personal touch that makes your writing so awesome to read. Keep this shit up!

    Unfortunately, I am a short male so I can’t talk about one-pieces…although maybe I could get one of those candy cane striped ones men used to wear WAY back. I imagine I’d look like an old-timey tough guy, but I’d probably get sand kicked in my face. C’est la vie.

    Hope you’re well and getting some free time with your busy schedule.

  14. Please please tell me where you got your one choker necklace with the shark tooth on it!!! I’ve been looking everywhere for it! PLEASE REPLY!! Haha

  15. Have you ever heard of a company called Running Wild? They make bathing suits for all kinds of body types, including bodies with long torsos. You should check it out!

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